[Julie's note: When Rosie gave the run-down of her guests for the day, she played a portion of Bree Sharp's 'David Duchovny' while mentioning him] Rosie: Our first guest, whose new movie Return To Me opens on Friday, you can catch him every Sunday on The X-Files and if you have kids and a VCR, I'm sure you've seen him countless times, as I have, in Beethoven. Take a look. [clip from Beethoven -- David gets dragged across the lawn in a chair by the dog] Rosie: They did all their own stunts. Please welcome David Duchovny! [David takes Rosie's guest chair and tips it over backwards] Rosie: You alright, honey? You okay? See, that's not good. [David sits on the edge and mimes being dragged - takes a bow] [laughter] Rosie: We see that movie frequently at my house. David: Can I leave it [the chair] like this? Rosie: You can leave it like that. David: I kind of like it. Rosie: You like it, it's new, it's sortof bacheloresque. How are you? David: I'm great. Thanks. Rosie: Good to see you, I haven't see you since you've been a dad. Congratulations. David: Yeah, thank you. Rosie: And you're lovin' it, I'm sure. David: She's gonna be a year old on April 24th. Rosie: And what's she doing now? What's she into? Blue's Clues? David: She's into this. [points randomly into audience, doing a very good impression of a baby staring at things that capture her attention :-)] Rosie: Yeah. Yeah, yeah. She doesn't even say 'What's that?' she just points. David: Her whole life is just, Tree, Mirror, Book, Dog. Anything she points at you say. Rosie: And Da-da. David: She doesn't point at me. She just wakes up, first thing she does in the morning is [points] Rosie: Really? David: Yeah. She just wants to communicate, you know, but she's not talking yet. So it's beautiful to see her just want to get involved in some kind of a dialogue, even though she doesn't have the words. Rosie: And how's Tea? Good? David: She's great. A great mom. Rosie: Loving it. David: Yeah, loves it. Rosie: Yeah, I'm so happy for you both. David: Thank you. Rosie: You seem like a good match. David: Thank you. Rosie: Not that I'd know. David: You know Tea. Rosie: I know Tea, but -- David: And you know me a little bit. Rosie: Well yeah, but we've never been out to dinner. David: Well, I don't think that eating with me would, uh, Rosie: Would help. David: It'd probably scare you a little bit. Rosie: You think it would? David: It might. Rosie: What kind of - do you eat a lot? David: No, I don't eat a lot, but you know, you just want to keep your fingers away from my mouth when I -- Rosie: Oh, okay. Understood. Speaking of fingers, Fast Finger, tomorrow's the day. [David laughs] David: Nice. Rosie: Thank you. Tomorrow's the day David Duchovny and I are taping Celebrity Millionaire! [audience cheers] Rosie: Are you nervous? David: Well, I, I -- you know, we are playing Fast Finger but it doesn't matter. Because we're all going to get on anyway. Rosie: Exactly. David: Which is nice because they were telling me we were going to have to play Fast Finger and I said "I'm backing out." Rosie: See? That's what I felt. David: Why do we have to play Fast Finger when we're already on? Rosie: Exactly. That's what I think. I'm not good at the Fast Finger, are you? David: I don't like the Fast Finger. Rosie: But are you good at it? David: Uh, at home. But everybody's good at home. Rosie: No, I'm not even good at it at home. David: Well, you see, I don't have a stopwatch at home, so I don't know if I could beat those people. Rosie: You don't have a stopwatch at home? I've been doing that since April, are you kidding? [realizes] We're in April. That wasn't funny. I could've said since January, it would've been a joke. David: Four days. Rosie: But, um, the thing is, people are worried they're going to look like an idiot. Are you worried about that? David: Absolutely. Rosie: You are. David: Yes. But I think what offsets that is the chance to win that much money for charity -- I mean, it's a hell of a lot of money. Rosie: Yes. David: So it's not like Celebrity Jeopardy where they give you, what, $10,000 for charity? I mean, a *million dollars*. Rosie: But on Celebrity Jeopardy you won, didn't you. David: No, no, I didn't win. I made it to the last step, I made it to Final Jeopardy, and I was really, I was embarrassing everybody else out there. Rosie: You were. But Stephen King was like left in the dust. David: Stephen King was thinking of quitting writing altogether. [laughter] Rosie: Really? No kidding. David: Well, he was feeling -- an *actor* was making him feel -- but then I lost everything in Final Jeopardy. Rosie: What was the Final Jeopardy question? David: Um, it was something really easy, and it was actually about literature which I should know, and you know how on Jeopardy where there are different roads that your brain will go down, and if you go down the wrong road, you're never coming back. Rosie: Yeah. David: So I went down one road and it was the road to hell. Rosie: And you lost the whole -- was it close? It wasn't even close, was it. David: Well, the good thing about Celebrity Jeopardy is that, I don't know if people know it, but you should bet everything because you get a minimum anyway. You get $10,000 for your charity anyway, so you might as well try and win as much as you can, because you're going to get ten grand anyway. It's rigged. Rosie: So you bet it all. David: Of course I bet it all. Rosie: And are you going to be going all the way to a million for this? David: Well, no, I think once you get up to two hundred grand or what -- what are the denominations? Rosie: 125, 250, 500, a million. [laughter] David: I think -- [to audience] She's been workin' at it. Rosie: I've been watching. I'm addicted. David: But, you know, that's a lot of money, and I don't think there's a safety net there. So I'll have to think about it. Rosie: I think they're guaranteeing us $32,000 to the charity. David: Yeah, but that's $32,000 and $250,000. That's a big difference. Rosie: A big difference. What's your charity? David: It's a school that these two guys that I went to high school with have started here in New York, it's called Exodus House. It's a grade school and they're just great guys and I'm just so happy to be able to get in touch with them again and do it. Rosie: Well, good, that's going to be fun. David: Yeah. Rosie: I'm not going to be able to sleep tonight because I'll be so excited. David: Well, that's good, because then you'll be tired. [laughter] David: You know, my mom used to say whenever I had a big test... Rosie: Yeah. David: You don't want to make this personal. Rosie: No, I don't, no, no. This is for charity. David: We're not playing against each other. Rosie: Well, in the Fast Finger we are. David: Yeah, but that doesn't matter. Rosie: It doesn't matter but I still would like to win. Anyway, David: Can you see this? [starts tapping on Rosie's desk like for Fast Finger] Rosie: Are you doing two hands or one? David: Well, I have some stretches that I'm going to be doing beforehand. Rosie: Yeah, but are you going to be doing it with two hands? David: I don't feel I should tell you. Rosie: Really? Have you noticed some people use thumbs? Have you noticed that? [David shakes his head] Rosie: What is that about, thumb, thumb, thumb, thumb? It's not Nintendo. David: They think it's Jeopardy. [mimes pushing button for Jeopardy] Rosie: I'm thinkin' pointers. Boom boom boom boom! That's what I'm thinking. David: I think you should go with one finger. Rosie: You think I should go with one finger? David: Mm-hm. Rosie: Of course, you're trying to psych me out. There's no way I'm doing one finger! There's no way! What's your worst category? David: You should eat fish beforehand. My mom says it's brain food. Rosie: Fish? David: Yeah, have some fish. Rosie: Alright, good to know. [David turns to audience and makes negative gestures and expressions] [laughter] David: Have a big meal, it'll help you... a really big meal beforehand. And maybe a drink or two. Rosie: Okay, that's good, just to loosen me up for TV. Um, what is the category you're most fearing? David: All of them, pretty much. Rosie: All of them? David: Yeah, I mean, it's just -- how can you prepare for this? All that trivia. Rosie: Yeah. David: So, uh, I don't know, I'm not good with geography -- Rosie: Same with me. Geography -- that's my worst. [swings hand out, it glances against David's shoulder] David: Watch that finger. Rosie: Sorry. [laughs] Yeah, I'm going to be using that. David: Do the Fast Finger on my arm. Ready? [leans over, Rosie plays Fast Finger on his bicep] Very good. Rosie: That's good, right? David: Yeah, very good. Now if they were only correct, you'd be in good shape. Rosie: Yeah, well, if they do anything like east to west, I'm not even going to look, I'm going to [punches fingers randomly on her desk] because I don't know east to west. David: East to west? I like those. Rosie: You like those? Put these countries in South America in order from north to south? I couldn't name four countries in South America. Geography I'm dead in the water. David: Stop bragging. Rosie: All right. David has a new movie that is written and directed by Bonnie Hunt who was on here yesterday, this is a great, great movie. David: Isn't it? Rosie: I saw it last night. David: Didn't she do a great job? Rosie: She did a great job. I really loved it. We're gonna show a clip and we're going to talk about it with David after this break so don't go away. [commercial break] Rosie: We're back with David Duchovny who is *not* returning next year to The X-Files, true? David: I don't know, I don't know. Rosie: No? David: I may, I may not. I have terms, FOX knows them, the ball's in their court, as they say. Rosie: Right. Well, either way -- David: It'd be a good question on Millionaire. Rosie: It would! David: Is David Duchovny returning? Rosie: There's no answer. David: Yeah. 'D'. Rosie: None of the above. David: Yeah. Rosie: There you go. But, um, personally, I hope that you do, but if it doesn't work out then you'll just go on and do more movies. David: Well, yeah, I feel very positive both ways. Coming back would be nice and moving on would be nice. Rosie: Cause it's a lot of work. People don't realize, an hour series... David: Well, it's not so much the amount of work, it's really the time commitment, doing that for 10 months and not being able to do a movie like Return To Me, having to turn things down because of my time commitment. Rosie: What a great film this is. Bonnie Hunt, it's the first film that she directed, tell everybody what you play. David: I play a guy named Bob Rueland, who loses his wife in the first five minutes of the film. It's a comedy, [laughter] Rosie: Not loses in the mall, loses as in [mimes slitting throat] bye-bye. David: She dies in the first seven minutes, I'd say. It's hysterically funny. It's actually... it really is an odd movie in that people will weep and laugh throughout the whole movie and I've never had an experience like that -- intentionally -- in a movie. Rosie: Right. David: So all I can tell you is that it's really a special film and I know a lot of people come out here and say that, but Bonnie has been able to make a really emotional film that's really hysterically funny all the way through, and - [someone in the audience shrieks] David: Yeah, you see? Rosie: Did you see it? [to audience] David: No, she's got an X-Files magazine. Rosie: Oh, an X-Files magazine, okay. Yeah, but I saw it last night and I thought it was great. I really did. David: If you see it with an audience, it's really amazing, to see everybody crying and laughing, and it's a movie that actually you're a little upset when it ends, because you like the world that Bonnie created. Rosie: Exactly. It's like your friends are leaving. Do you know what clip we have? David: Um, I forgot... I'll know afterwards. [laughter] Rosie: Oh, alright, well this is a clip from the movie... [crew member calls out] Rosie: What? This is when he meets Minnie for the first time. David: This is where -- Rosie: Okay, this is -- [they both try to set up the clip] David: Go ahead. Rosie: No, it's your movie, you set it up. [continue to 'argue' :-)] Rosie: You do it, I'll practice this [begins to play Fast Finger on her desk] David: So Minnie is in need of a heart, actually, when the movie begins... [looks over at Rosie] David: See, now nobody's listening to me -- Rosie: Oh, sorry. So she's in need of a heart transplant. David: And she actually gets my wife's heart, and then we meet, and there's some kind of connection there, and we find out later what that connection is, but this is where we first meet, right? Rosie: Yeah. Take a look at Return To Me, which opens tomorrow, all over. [RTM clip - Bob and Grace meet when Bob goes back to the restaurant to pick up his phone] Rosie: It's very very endearing. I really liked it a lot. David: Yeah. Rosie: Are you doing a lot of press, you going everywhere? [Julie's note: is he EVER!] David: Yeah, well, the nice thing is, as I'm sure you know, when you have a project that you're excited about it's painstaking to go everywhere and try to do press, but when you believe in it, when you love it, you want to give the movie every chance you can to be successful. Rosie: I think it will, I think it's a great, great movie and guys and girls both, I think... David: Well, there's nothing else like it, I don't think, it's not like a cookie-cutter romantic comedy. It's a little weird. A little weird. Rosie: Weird - your fans like that, little black things... [mimes an oilien coming out of her nose] [David laughs a little reluctantly] David: You're gonna hurt your finger. Rosie: I'm sorry! I'm sorry! David: You want to keep that finger... maybe you'll want to wear gloves or something. Rosie: You think so? Alright, now... David: You see that? Look... [points at Rosie's right pointer finger] Rosie: That's tape. It's not my skin, don't worry, it's tape. I fiddle when I talk. I'm practicing. David: Okay. Rosie: Want me to bring you a snack or anything tomorrow? You need anything? Because you don't live here, I live here, do you need anything? David: I don't trust you. Rosie: Oh, okay, alright. [laughter] Rosie: I was just going to bring you a little pastrami or something. David: No, it's not brain food. Rosie: It's not brain food. David: No. Bring me a big fish. A big fish would be nice. Rosie: Alright. And you know, even though we're taping it tomorrow, we're not allowed to talk about it, they told me, until it airs in May. David: Is that right? Rosie: Yeah. David: In *May*? Rosie: In May, it airs. We're not allowed to talk about it. David: I thought it aired in April. Rosie: It airs in May. David: Oh. Rosie: May 1, 2, 3. David: Well, no, if I win I'm gloating... Rosie: Well, good to know -- frankly, if I win it's all you're gonna hear about. David: I know. Rosie: I know, I mean, it's a lot of money, how could you not. David: I won a million. I lost a million. I won two hundred. I'm stickin' at two hundred. Rosie: It's not two hundred. It's two-fifty. David: I'm a big fan. Rosie: 32, 64, 125, 250, 500, a million. David: Wow. Rosie: That's how it goes. David: David Duchovny, why won't you love me? Go see his movie, you'll enjoy it. Transcribed by Julie of the David Duchovny Conservatory