INTRO
ROSIE: You can see our first guest starting Friday in his brand new movie 'Evolution and in case you missed the final appearance on the X Files …..we have a little preview or actually 'post view' <giggles> for yer….take a look…
INSERT <final scene of Existence>
ROSIE: Please welcome back to the show cutie-pootutie (sp?) David Duchovny!
WILD CHEERS AND SCREAMS FROM AUDIENCE
Enter DD in dark pants, white T-shirt and blue v-neck sweater - they hug, kiss etc
ROSIE: Hi, David!
DD: Hi.. <sits>
ROSIE: How are you?
DD: I'm great, thank you.
ROSIE: Now is that your baby or not on the X Files?
DD: Well, I don't know, I'm not sure…..
ROSIE: did Mulder……
DD: I don't know…..
ROSIE: and Scully actually……?
DD: I don't think so..
ROSIE: No??
DD: I think I would know but I don't.
ROSIE: Yeah.
DD: Like in true X Files fashion we have the baby and then we kiss….you know, so…
ROSIE: Right , exactly! <laughs>
DD: But its funny cos like all eight years on the show and Mulder's not really afraid of anything at all…he's dealing with aliens, dealing with mutants…but apparently the only thing that could scare him away is fatherhood!
ROSIE: Exactly!
DD: He's never coming back now
ROSIE: Now, you're gone…. so that's the last thing….
DD: That's it, that's the last time you're going to see me on the show
ROSIE: You gonna be, like, occasionally appearing?
DD: No, no
ROSIE: Just done!
DD: That's it! yeah!
ROSIE: Yes but eight years, for you (?) honey, that's a long run….
<cheers from the audience - continues over next little bit>
DD: That's a long time..
ROSIE: That's a long run, we appreciate it! I love it!
DD: <gesturing to R> you understand?
ROSIE: Yeah, yeah! It's a long time!
<audience clapping>
ROSIE: Now how's your baby?
DD: She's great….<makes Amazed Besotted Face - note: much more animated than Panic Face>
ROSIE: Is she great? and how old is she now?
DD: She just turned 2 in April
ROSIE: And what's she into?
DD: Erm...., Elmo, so you know, so…
ROSIE: Same with my little 2 year old….
DD: But we went to see the Susical (sp?)
ROSIE: You did?!?
DD: Yeah, we did - not with you in it though
ROSIE: Oh <mock disappointed>
DD: Because….<turns to the audience who may have been making annoyed noises I couldn't hear on the clip>
DD: Sorry…..
ROSIE: Its OK, - <to audience - pacifying> no, it's alright.
DD: I was sitting there watching and she sat through the whole thing, just sat through the whole thing, watched it, and I was like, well that's kinda cool cos I didn't think…. I didn't know if she'd enjoy it and I realized at some point you know its probably the whole world looks like that to her anyway
ROSIE: Exactly!
DD: So its not like any thing make sense anyway
ROSIE: Right , its all a big musical
DD: There's the cat and there's Dad and its like they're the same thing
ROSIE: Right!
DD: It doesn't matter
ROSIE: You should bring her to Lion King!
DD: Yeah, yeah?
ROSIE: I took my son at 2 and he sat through the whole thing and at intermission I said to him 'Do you want to go home now?' cos you know he's just a baby? and he said 'Mama, this a big show' and I was like, he's a critic already . He's a theatre critic at 2!
DD: Yeah, <points> 'cat hat' she kept saying 'cat hat, cat 'hat'
ROSIE: Is it unbelievably different than you expected, having a child, being a Dad?
DD: Erm, I don't know if I had, like, big expectations, I didn't know, I didn't know, I didn't sit there thinking "wonder what its going to be like", so, its always a surprise to me.
ROSIE: And Tea is loving the motherhood thing?
DD: She loves it! absolutely loves it
ROSIE: Yeah, she's great
DD: So
ROSIE: Right
DD: Yeah
ROSIE: I like her!
DD: Yeah, good. I like her too!
ROSIE: Now listen let me ask you something! What's the new movie about, its Aliens again!
DD: I know! its kinda an odd coincidence but I wanted to work with Ivan Reitman cos he does those big, you know, brassy Hollywood comedies and he'd developed 'Ghostbusters', done 'Ghostbusters' and kinda created that style of movie….
ROSIE: 'Genre', I guess…..
DD: I don't like to say 'genre' <drawls the word in an affected manner>
ROSIE: You don't? why not?
DD: 'Cos people... as soon as you say 'genre' or 'oeuvre' they go... <makes 'ugh' noise>
ROSIE: They do
DD: So I like to say…
ROSIE: I've been saying 'genre' for years and I know…….
DD: I like to say 'you know, that 'kinda' film'
ROSIE: That 'kinda' film, OK, so no more 'genre'
DD: He created that genre of the big sci-fi…..
ROSIE: eeeeeehew! <disgusted noise>
DD: <gestures to her> yeah, see?
ROSIE: <laughing> yeah! the sci-fi comedy
DD: yeah, you know 'Ghostbusters', and then like you have 'Men in Black' and 'Galaxy Quest' and 'Independence Day' so its in that 'genre'
ROSIE: Right!
DD: And so what you do….I just wanted to do something like that, not necessarily sci-fi so Ivan said 'I want to work with you' I said 'Great!' He gave me the script, I was all excited, I get home and….<throws hands in the air>.. its aliens! and I was like 'I can't do it!' you know, I was like…..
ROSIE: Yeah
DD: ...I can't face it but then I realized that its just the type of performance I want to do, its bigger and different from what I've been doing and I don't care really what the subject matter is...
ROSIE: ...and it looks like its very funny with Orlando?
DD: Orlando's hysterical!
ROSIE: He's a riot, that guy.
DD: Orlando Jones, yeah
ROSIE: And you two play scientists who go to another planet? Is that what it is?
DD: <looks shocked> What!
ROSIE: I only saw the coda (sp?) <does she mean preview clip?>
DD: <to the audience> She has not seen the movie! She's not seen the movie!
ROSIE: <indignant> They didn't give me the movie, its not out yet!
DD: <reflects> Ah, that's true.
ROSIE: Yeah, come on now! don't act like I'm not doing my job, David <mock tearfully> I've seen every X File ever….
DD: Let me ask you this…
ROSIE: Yeah
DD: Are you a fan of the 'genre'?
ROSIE: Eeeehew! yes, I am a fan of the 'genre' and its…..
DD: No, we don't go to any planet, that was just…..a meteor lands in Arizona and these little organisms, little single celled organisms - and what they do is they evolve and mutate from single celled to primates within 2 weeks and they want to displace us from this planet. So, its not scary in that way, its scary and shocking and most of all its funny…
ROSIE: Well, you going to see the clip and you'll see why I thought you were on another planet! cos you look like you're on another planet and I did watch the clip…
DD: That's just my acting style…
ROSIE: Well it's the only thing they sent me, David and I'm sure I'll see it at the movie theatre for $8.50. Um, Evolution clip, take a look - Orlando and David….
Clip - the 'Snag One and put it in the bucket' clip in the cave
<cheers and clapping>
ROSIE: It is called Evolution and it opens Friday everywhere!
DD: <emphasizes> Everywhere!
ROSIE: Everywhere……we're going to take a break, come back and talk to David Duchovny about that fact that he lost a whole lot of money on 'Millionaire' for charity..
DD: Oh, we can talk about that!
ROSIE: Yes, we will - we'll be right back after this so don't go away!
COMMERCIALS
Clapping
ROSIE: <we overhear the end of a private conversation between DD and R as R raises her voice deliberately> ...we don't talk about that on the show!... back with David Duchovny whose new movie Evolution stars Orlando Jones, David and the wonderful Julianne Moore.
DD: Wonderful, lovely Julianne Moore!
ROSIE: Yes, and I can't wait to see it. I'm definitely going to see it.
DD: Please - thank you!
ROSIE: Now, listen. I got a question for you. Rumor or fact? - you and the catalogues?
DD: <laughs slightly embarrassed> yeah, well yeah, I like shopping by catalogue
ROSIE: I do too, what's your favorite?
DD: <more coy giggling> You're so interested!
ROSIE: No, I really am because…..
DD: <mimics Rosie> "What's your favorite?"
ROSIE: No, because I'm thinking are you going more the clothes route or are you going more the picture frames…
DD: Well, both. What I…er…I purchase some workout materials like….
ROSIE: Really?
DD: Yeah, like er…I don't know, they look…..everybody looks so good working out in those things
ROSIE: Yeah, Yeah!
DD: And then before ,. mostly it's the clothes and er…mostly what I like about it is , you know, it just comes in a big package and its like…..Christmas.
ROSIE: It is! Its like a surprise.
DD: I like to forget that I actually ordered it and its like "Oh, somebody's sending me free stuff!"
ROSIE: Exactly!
DD: Who is this from? Oh, God They're so nice I'm just sitting here and a box came and its all for me!
ROSIE: Now, what's the workout catalogue, I don't believe I'm familiar with that one!
DD: Not a catalogue but…..well, I was just like - on the TV, you know, like infomercials and stuff like that. I will succumb to that influence.
ROSIE: You do the infomercial too?
DD: Yeah
ROSIE: Now when you call and you have to give your credit card. and you say its David Duchovny….do they believe you?
DD: Er…I don't actually do that. What I do is I'll see it and I'll call my Manager's Assistant and I'll go "Will you…." I just ordered this inflatable pool recently..
ROSIE: Yeah! Ah huh.
DD: …..for my daughter because its summertime and we're travelling around the north east and we wanted, like, one of those pools where you put water in, its gets warm and they go in there so and we're tired of almost like having a heart attack you know like…..<makes blowing up a rubber pool noises>
ROSIE: Right!
DD: So this thing was like 'Pull a lever and…. <gesture and noise of pool inflating>
ROSIE: Yeah!
DD: So, we'll see. We haven't seen it yet.
ROSIE: You didn't get it yet.
DD: Well that's the only thing…..they show up like 3 years later
ROSIE: Yeah, they do. That's sometimes not good. I buy a lot of stuff on the QVC too.
DD: I'm still waiting……when I was a kid I ordered my mother the Vegematic, remember that?
ROSIE: Still didn't come!
DD: <looks at audience> Do people know what (remember) the Vegematic is?
ROSIE: <to audience> You remember the Vegematic? <audience cheer> It slices and dices.
DD: No need to cheer the Vegematic! You know what it was, it was like you saw …they had a person…and I was always to save my mother household drudgery…
ROSIE: Sure!
DD: A person takes a potato and goes 'wheeeeet' <hand gesture of squashing something down towards the desk top> and then there's fries! When in reality, you know, its like... < stands up and struggles hard to push something from chest height down towards the floor, sits down> The Vegea-workout-amatic is what it is!
ROSIE: Yeah, once I saved up 200…
DD: <to Rosie> am I going to get sued for that or something?
ROSIE: I don't think so. I don't think they even make it anymore, do they?
DD: No.
ROSIE: Its got a new name.
DD: People were busting biceps all over the country!
ROSIE: I sent away for Bazuco Joe (sp?) comics, for the little thing - that finger lock.
DD: Yeah.
ROSIE: Where you put your fingers in it.
DD: Yeah
ROSIE: It took 200 Bazuco Joe comics and when it came it was this little piece of crud I could have bought for a quarter!
DD: Right, wasn't it called like 'The Chinese finger something'?
ROSIE: 'The Chinese Finger Torture'!
DD: And they can't even do that anymore
ROSIE: They can't!
DD: Now its just 'The Finger Torture'!
ROSIE: Yeah, doesn't have the same appeal in some way
DD: No, no.
ROSIE: Now, Millionaire, sir, what happened there? You, Mr. Cocky, Mr. Ivy League, getting up to the big money and what happened?
DD: You know I understand that its your show and……
ROSIE: Yeah…..
DD: and you're sitting there…
ROSIE: Yeah…..
DD: but what happened to Miss Fast!Finger of the Universe?
<audience ooohs>
ROSIE: Well, I was, I had…
<they alternate quickly cutting over each other>
DD: yep…..
ROSIE: bu…..
DD: dep….ah….
ROSIE: bu….
DD: Not only that but you were a little angry. You …not only did you…..you didn't take your medicine because I beat you in the Fast!Finger and then like, a lot of people beat you in the Fast!Finger….
ROSIE: Ohhhhh…
DD: and then you started complaining about your machinery, like it wasn't your fault….
ROSIE: <mock shouting at him> I know, I had to… I was so embarrassed, I didn't know what to do! I complained that it was my machinery….
DD: <to audience> I don't know if you saw it on TV but Rosie was getting really ang….. she blamed her machinery!
ROSIE: Oh! David, did you have to bring that up?
DD: Well, you know you were saying that I lost all this money for charity and I felt bad, you know.
ROSIE: Did you feel bad?
DD: I wanted to win it all!
ROSIE: But you were going too quick!
DD: I was the first one on there and I thought….
ROSIE: Alright.
DD: …..you gotta go all the way!
ROSIE: OK so you're the fastest Fast!Finger, whatever! <DD pantomimes Fast!Fingers gestures to haze her> So, you go all the wa.. you were going like this... <copies his Fast!Fingers gestures> boom, boom, boom, boom, you got the answers in like 2 seconds…
DD: And then I didn't!
ROSIE: And what was the one you missed? I didn't know it either. It was something about travel?
DD: It was a line from a movie
ROSIE: No, it was travel, wasn't it?
DD: Are you telling me?
ROSIE: No, I don't know.
DD: It was a line from a movie.
ROSIE: Tell me it.
DD: I don't remember, I blocked it out.
ROSIE: You blocked it out. Yeah…
DD: All I remember is this….<pantomimes Fast!Fingers again>
ROSIE: Listen, they're doing another one, you want to go back on?
DD: <emphatic> No.
ROSIE: Come on, it'll be fun!
DD: OK, I'll do it.
ROSIE: I'm doing another one.
DD: Yeah.
ROSIE: Me, you, Drew, we'll go back
DD: OK
ROSIE: We'll go back
DD: OK
ROSIE: Alright?
DD: OK
ROSIE: And you'll probably beat me in the Fast!Finger again
DD: No, I probably won't.
ROSIE: But I helped you!
DD: Well, er, I'll tell you….
ROSIE: ….didn't I cheat for you?
DD: you did, but er, what did you cheat for me on?
ROSIE: Something you didn't know
DD: Like a musical question?
ROSIE: A musical, that's right!
DD: But you know what, I watched the shows and there was more cheating after I left. A lot more cheating. A lot more cheating!
ROSIE: You're totally right. By the time I was there…..
DD: I wish there'd been more cheating - I wish somebody would of…..I would have…I wanted to win a million dollars for….
ROSIE: That's why I didn't get the Fast!Finger because I knew that if I went first there won't be enough cheating!
DD: makes resigned gesture
ROSIE: Kidding! just kidding!
DD: Now, what are you going to do with the Fast!Finger?
ROSIE: Nothing! Look at that (2nd finger of left hand which I think she had an operation on and now has no muscle tone) <flicks finger tip whilst palm is curled inwards> - can you imagine?
<David tries to do the same to his finger>
DD: I can do that too!
ROSIE: Ohhhhh! Not like this, its just like a punching bag
<they both do the finger thing - competitively>
ROSIE: Get in there, get in there!
ROSIE: Alright, well we have a game - do we have time for a game? We don't but we're going to give a prize anyway. You know what we have? Look at these. Put this on. These cooling units - on your head from the Sharper Image.
<hands DD a kind of VR headband and one for herself which go around the forehead>
DD: Where do I put this?
ROSIE: On your head
DD: Like this?
ROSIE: No, like that.
DD: Oh, OK.
<Rosie puts hers on>
ROSIE: and then…..now its cooling me! the fans blowing, I'm cool! and they're from the Sharper Image and even though David didn't win - because he won so much on Millionaire - we're giving you these anyway for free!
<cheering>
ROSIE: So, there you go
To DD ROSIE: Great to see you, its that nice though? its like a little blower
DD: Very cool.
ROSIE: Go see Evolution, it opens on Friday. We'll be back after this break
